smeareddoll

nagising na naman ako ng alas-tres. witching hour ng mga batugan! gundam!!! nagsasawa na talaga ako tumambay sa bahay! pagkabangon ko mga alas-singko (o, may dalawang oras pang pahinga from tulog!), as usual naligo ako… bumaba na rin pagkatapos, kumain ng spaghetti (Happy Birthday Nicole!!!) at nag-internet. kumausap ng iilang taong di ko naman talaga kilala at nagpaalam din sila agad. maya-maya’y nainip na naman ako, kaya naisipan kong mag-log out muna.

nanood ako ng tv kasama erpats ko. ewan ko ba, di rin sya nakatagal sa presence ko, umakyat na rin agad. kaya’t nanood na lang ako mag-isa. haay, boredom!

ilang sandali pa’t naghanap ako ng makakain (ulit!) alas-siyete na kaya?! sakto, pagdating ko ng kusina, andun ang paborito kong ulam!!! guess what?!!? SINIGANG NA BANGUS!!! panalo yun!!! dami ko nakain. ayun, busog na ulet! kinabahan ako sandali dahil ipinatawag ako ng inang reyna. yari!!! baka masabon na ko! pagdating sa taas ay kinausap ako ng reyna dahil nag-aalala sya sa kin.. para na raw akong aswang. gising sa gabi, tulog sa umaga! ano raw bang iniisip ko? (kung pwede lang sumagot eh!) niyakap nya ko! awww… akala ko’y katapusan ko na! (whew! bote na lang!)

pagkatapos non, lumabas ako. pumunta ko sa bahay ng kuya ko. sa kabilang street. tumambay, nakipagharutan sa mga bata, kumain ng cookies, nanood na naman ng tv. shet! nakukurta utak ko! wala naman talaga akong masabi kaya dito na lang ako nangungulit.

katext ko pa nga si pagslee kanina… painom daw ako! sabi ko, wag na kung pagagalitan mo ko… hindi raw basta diskartehan ko! gusto ko rin talgang uminom! huhuhu!!! pero hindi pwede. may sakit ang mama ko… kaya dito lang muna ko!

ayun, talo. pag-uwi ko, andito na naman ako sa harap ng boyfriend ko (‘tong pc). browse-browse, type-type, may namimiss… may hinahanap.

pero ayaw magparamdam. kaya im still stuck up for another day….

0_o

Friends, meet my brother. He was actually named after me, when i was actually named after my dad’s “screen name.” Now, confuse me!!!

Borris Brandon P. Ramirez. He’s 5 years younger than i am and i had to admit, i wasn’t the happiest sister when he came around but i couldn’t be any grateful that i have him here.

Among other things, we have a lot of things in common- from our features (yeah, we look so much alike, don’t we?) to interests… i’m his fan when it comes to singing and of course, when he plays the drums! I’m the proudest sister ever!

But what truly inspired me to write this blog about him is that no one has ever given me so much understanding- except for him. I’m not a perfect sister nor am i a good daughter but i know he loves me. He loves me enough to actually come to me and tell me, i shouldn’t worry for everything’s gonna be alright. Whew! he came right on time! i was really feeling worse until he spoke to me.

I know he won’t be able to read this- he’s not into blogging and stuff, but i sure want to thank him for keeping an open mind and for the chance he gave me (to explain my side).

thanks braaa!!!! i mean it everytime i say, i love you!

if i am funny, then why are you crying?
if they say i’m good, then why did it turn bad?
if you say stop, why do i keep on loving?
do i always have to complicate things?

if i am smart, then why am i fooled?
if they think i’m rich, how come i’m penniless?
if you let me near, then why are you pushing?
is it me or is it you that complicate things?

alone, and shamed. there’s only me to blame
i’m lost. once vulnerably enthused. i am nothing.
are you still there? can we give it a shot?
i’m deeply surrounded by awful glances,
you never got back, you never got back.

how could i then let go of a friendship i have so treasured in exchange for a confession of a suppresed love i have kept for in such a long time?

whatsoever your statement will be, i shall freely accept. There is nothing sweeter than a reciprocated love, but if your will says otherwise, then i will live in misery- if not for a while, for eternity.

never worry about my what i shall be, for i would risk my glee for your own chosen bliss….

but if love is present in your heart divine, then nothing can surmise my happiness inside!

In my former job as an executive assistant in a film production company, I was tasked to do almost everything. From the organization of activities or events, contacting the artists, booking their schedules, arranging the budget for food, talent fees, press kits (the works!) and transportation for a certain activity. When the day of event arrives, i must make sure that no one among “my” artists gets hurt even if it takes myself to get punched or pinched by the mad fans! It was a tough job- considering i’m only 5’2 and weighs approximately a 100lbs.

I have come across lots of artists; the famous, the legends, the popular young actors and actresses of today, the not-so-popular and of course, there’s the “feeling-popular” actors (and they could be such a pain)!

When we’re in the set of a photo shoot, presscon or shooting itself, i get to have a glimpse of how they are interacting with the press, the PAs (like me) and the other crews: man, they can be very pretentious! But of course there are sincere ones like my friends in showbiz….

It’s a wonder how the masses worship these artists- if they only knew how much these gods (artists) want to have them at least 5 meters away from them when entering and exiting the venues of their shows, or shoots! What’s worse is that, these fans also dream of becoming huge celebrities themselves so as to get a taste of fame and fortune.

Anyway, despite all that, I miss my work in media (awww….)- of course minus the screaming and shouting and insults to my being. I miss the backroom people i get to work with. the directors, their staff, our staff, the service drivers, the ulitlity: those people who get almost no affirmation for their jobs just because WE are only this and that. BUT I still wish to get back to the industry i once loved- soon. if not, then i’ll be just fine to perhaps be working in some quiet office, with no one bothering me the whole time and yes, i’ll be bored more than ever.